4 Steps to Managing Disappointment

We all face disappointment at some stage. It may be that something we were really hoping for doesn’t pan out, or we may have relied on someone and feel let down. Regardless of why you feel it, it’s a big emotion that can leave you feeling incredibly blah. It can quickly cloud our judgement and interfere with our functioning. So how do we move forward and manage our disappointment? Here are 4 steps that I use.

 

1. Acknowledge it

If we don’t directly acknowledge our underlying feeling of disappointment, it can mask itself in a number of different ways. You may become angry, revengeful, frustrated or sad, when really the underlying issue is that you are disappointed. This cheeky emotion can quickly turn into these other strong emotions and behaviors when it isn’t expressed. If you are finding yourself consumed in a pool of strong emotion and perhaps acting in ways that are less than the standard you set for yourself, take a moment to step back and ask yourself if the underlying issue is really a deep feeling of disappointment. Acknowledging it is a crucial first step.

 

2. Feel it

Once you can recognize you are disappointed – that something didn’t go how you wanted it to – give yourself permission to feel it. I don’t mean wallow in it for days, but if you need to have a wee cry, do so. If you need to journal and express your feelings of upset, then grab a pen and get writing. Don’t pretend the disappointment isn’t there or try to push it to one side. You have to face it head on. Go into the emotion so that you can ultimately move forward from it. If you don’t, it’s need to be expressed (as mentioned above) will cause it to sneak out in less than desirable behaviors such as anger, addictive patterns and revenge.

 

3. Re-Write it

Once you’ve really moved into, and then through the strong emotional reaction that comes with disappointment, you have the opportunity to start using your rational mind again. The cloud will begin to clear. Take some time to look for the opportunities the disappointment may have presented. Is there a lesson for you to learn in the experience? Has the situation potentially nudged you in a new direction that you may not have previously thought of? Look for the silver-lining. I find there always is one if you look hard enough. In saying that, if you can’t see it immediately don’t let it stop you from moving onto the next step. In time you can always come back to this step and the “why” will present itself.

 

4. Let it Go

I truly believe that the universe (you may call it God) is working for us, and things are rigged in our favor. Yip, that old cliché of everything happens for a reason. This may not be your philosophy on life, but I encourage you to try it on for a bit. It really does help make the world genuinely feel a little brighter. I like to use the affirmation, “if it wasn’t this, it will be something better”. Have faith that you will have exactly what you need, when you need it. Whatever has caused you disappointment was obviously not meant to be. After you’ve taken a big breath, consciously decide to let your attachment to the outcome go. Have faith that it didn’t work out to make way for something better.

 

Facing disappointment is never easy. It is a very strong emotion that tugs directly at our heart-strings. It comes from being attached to an outcome and ultimately requires us to let that attachment go. It can be challenging to do that. But bringing your disappointment to a conscious level allows you to take control of it, and put yourself back in the driving seat of your life.

 

Hi. I’m Kate Snowise, and Thrive.How is my business-baby. I’m a kickass Life & Well-Being Coach who helps people who want the good stuff out of life, get it. I have an MSc in Psychology (the happy kind of psychology that concentrates on what is right with you). I offer individual coaching and personality assessment to help people clarify their thinking, grow into their potential, reconnect with themselves and regain balance.  Click here to learn more.