How To Get The Guy You Want

I got one. The guy who makes you swoon, and even makes you do a little foot flick like in the movies when you have your first real kiss. He’s loyal, generous, sensitive and caring. He’s also smart, dedicated, driven and a great dad. I know I’m lucky, and I am always grateful for his love and support. Don’t get me wrong, marriage and living so closely with another human being isn’t always a walk in the part. You both bring in your own personalities, hopes, dreams and ways of doing things and you have to find a way to work together; but it is absolutely possible to find someone who makes any difficulties along the way worth it.

Landing a great guy didn’t just happen by accident for me. I’ll be the first to believe that the Universe conspired to bring us together, but if it weren’t for a few things, he may not have even noticed me. I had tried on my fair share of less than stellar relationships before I landed this guy. So how did I end up with one of the good fish out of that proverbial sea? After enduring some heartbreak and then coming into my own, I learned a few things, and I really think they helped me land “the one”.

So here are my 3 tips to help you get the guy you want.

 

1. Focus on loving yourself

To many of you this may sound like a cliché, but it is the most important step. If you do nothing else, please work on this point. You have to learn to love yourself first. Finding someone else to love you will not make you feel whole. It may for a short time, but it’s an illusionary wholeness. Love ultimately has to come from ourselves, as does our happiness if it is to be sustainable.

Loving yourself creates the foundation from which you can build an authentic relationship with someone else. You have to truly deep down at your core believe you are worthy, lovable, deserving and, well why not throw in a side of kick-ass brilliant. Other people will see how you treat yourself and follow your lead, including your romantic partners. So if you want to be treated kindly, treat yourself kindly first.

 

2. Don’t put up with average because it is better than nothing

This really is an extension of number one, because if you truly love yourself, you want let anyone treat you disrespectfully. I used to be a little needy, and although I didn’t admit to myself, I thought deep-down that having someone was better than no-one. But the problem with having someone just to fill the space is a) it leaves no room for the right one to come in the door; b) it inevitably keeps you from the work of loving yourself.

Don’t settle. If you know in your heart of hearts it’s never going to work out, he will never treat you right, or that it’s time to move on….it is sweetheart. Your heart is never wrong. Have the courage to listen to it, so you can be one step closer to your dream future.

 

3. Be clear on what you do want

It’s important to be clear on what you do want from a guy and from a relationship. If you’re not clear in a moment of weakness you’re bound to go for guys that you know in your heart aren’t right for you. We’re human. It happens.

I’d encourage you to get really specific here, and actually write a list. I did! My list included things like caring, considerate, intelligent. I’m not going to lie, I even had that he had to have a bigger butt than me.

Once you’ve listed out all the qualities and attributes you want in an ideal partner I feel like they seep into your subconscious mind, and you’re much more likely to check future suitors against it. It keeps you accountable. If you said (like I did) that a drug habit is an absolute no-go and then dope smoking Joe comes knocking on your door you’re going to know that he’s not the one. Less time considering and wasting your time on him, more time looking for the right guy.

 

I know this sounds simplistic, and I recognize that love is so complex. No relationship is perfect all the time no matter what anyone tells you. But if you stick to these three points: 1) Love yourself; 2) don’t put up with crap; 3) and, be clear with what you want; you’ll be a lot closer to finding the right guy and throwing back all the bad fish.

 

Hi. I’m Kate Snowise, and Thrive.How is my business-baby. I’m a kickass Life & Well-Being Coach who helps people who want the good stuff out of life, get it. I have an MSc in Psychology (the happy kind of psychology that concentrates on what is right with you). I offer individual coaching and personality assessment to help people clarify their thinking, grow into their potential, reconnect with themselves and regain balance.  Click here to learn more.