Modern life bombards us constantly. It’s in our face. We’re feed constant images of people living wonderful, airbrushed, perfection-laden lives. They’re on billboards, in magazines and online.
The reality is that previous generations were never confronted with the information we are today. We turn on our computers and engage in a constant stream of updates from people. It’s the modern-day equivalent of opening 100’s of letters a day from strangers and accquantances all jammed packed with photos about how perfect their lives are. It just didn’t used to be like this.
Modern life, in my opinion is putting us into a state of chaos and confusion. We are losing our ability to stay grounded and are getting lost in our minds. And with the current way we live our lives, comparison is perhaps one of the most dangerous of modern ailments.
We’ve all had one of those moments where we pop onto Facebook and see a stream of happiness and perfect looking lives stare back at us. Cindy-Happy-Gal happens to be lucky enough, wealthy enough and tiny enough to lie on a beach in Fiji with a cocktail in hand, while Suzy-Sure-Thing seems to be kicking ass in the industry that you’re so dying to get in to. We compare our lives, our looks, our relationship status and our dreams to all of the superficial images we see of others, without even giving it a second thought. The danger inherent in this type of comparison is that we then turn around and start beating ourselves up for not being good enough without even giving it a second thought.
So how can we master the despair of compare? How can we stop it in its tracks and not get sucked into feeling like everybody else’s life is better than ours? Here are the ordered steps I believe can stop you from falling into the rabbit hole of comparing yourself.
- Bring a level of awareness to your propensity to compare yourself
The greatest danger occurs when we unconsciously compare ourselves to others, and then automatically start putting ourselves down. Awareness gives you power. Once you are aware of the fact you are comparing yourself and it isn’t useful, you put yourself back in the driving seat to do something about it. This is the crucial first step in overcoming the despair of compare.
- Question the reality of your perceptions
Once you bring a level of awareness to the icky feelings inside you’re experiencing, question your perceptions. Is what is making you feel uncomfortable about yourself really true? Is the story you have created after seeing a picture actually accurate? You may not be able to tell if Cindy-Happy-Gal lying on the beach is genuinely happy, and be honest about that. Acknowledge that what you see on Facebook is the glorious and perky moments of other people’s lives, not necessarily the day-to-day stuff. Recognize that just because they appear to be killing it online, doesn’t mean they actually have the business you want behind the scenes. Looks can be deceiving dear ones. Remember that!
- Control your personal news-real
The way we digest information, and have images and ideas and thoughts thrown in our faces constantly these days is chaotic. It can force our minds to go into overload if we do not spend a significant amount of energy and effort ensuring we stay centered and grounded. We can get lost in the constant stream of chatter in our heads and forget to actually keep our feet firmly on the ground.
If you’re finding that you are feeling flighty and unsettled, know that comparison is an issue for you, and step 1 and 2 aren’t quite cutting it, I’d encourage you to control the information you take in. If there are certain people whose posts upset you, or business pages that you follow that irk you, unfollow them (note: you don’t have to de-friend someone, you can just unfollow them so you don’t see them in your feed). If certain magazines make you feel bad about yourself, don’t subscribe to them. Take back the control of what you are exposed to and fill your mind with information that lights you up.
Comparison is a trap we all fall prey to at times. But ultimately, what other people are doing is completely irrelevant. You are here to be you, to embrace you, and to do YOU. Work on finding that center in yourself. Work on defining and creating you. We are each walking our own paths and are infinitely unique which in all reality makes fair comparisons impossible. Be kind to yourself and vow to give up the comparison game. Don’t let your mind runaway and play tricks on you. Remember you are a beautiful unique soul and what other people are doing really just doesn’t matter.
Hi. I’m Kate Snowise, and Thrive.How is my business-baby. I’m a Life & Well-Being coach who helps people get the good stuff out of life. I have an MSc in Psychology (the happy kind of psychology that concentrates on what is right with you). I offer individual coaching that specifically helps people clarify their thinking, reconnect with their spirits, grow into their potential and regain balance. Click here to learn more.
To download a copy of my free mini-guide – 8 Tips Towards Creating a Thriving Life – click here.