Have you unknowingly subscribed to the notion of a successful life being one where you “have no regrets”? It is a phrase that is thrown around regularly, but is it realistic? Can we really get through life having no regrets?
I used to believe in the idea that my past was my past, and even if things hadn’t gone as I’d hoped, I had no regrets. It was what it was, and the situations of my past brought me to where I am today.
But I now recognize that that notion was absolving me of any responsibility. I have since revised my understanding of the term regret. I no longer view a regret as something to be ashamed of. I recognize now by downplaying the importance of these situations, and refusing to acknowledge them as regrets, I was undermining their ability to help me grow.
A feeling of regret isn’t something that we should dwell in, but the disappointment is a special gift that we can learn from. The emotion that lingers after the event is a messenger requesting our attention and there is a lesson to be learned from it. I now recongize that regrets are perhaps some of the most powerful material we have to help propel us towards our greatest potential.
In terms of my definition, a regret is just something that if I were to have the chance to go back, I would have made a different decision. We’re not perfect…we’re human. If you can’t think of at least one situation in your past where you would do things differently if you could, you’re either a saint, a master or a guru.
To help make it personal, a quote from Brene Brown recently hit me right in the heart-center when she was discussing regrets. She said we typically regret one of two things: We regret failures of kindness and failures of courage.
We typically regret failures of kindness and failures of courage. – Brene Brown.
Upon hearing that, I knew instantly it was a universal truth. Immediately my mind jumped to three past situations that I regret and would do differently if I could:
- I failed to have the courage to leave a relationship when I knew I should.
- I failed to have the courage to step out of my comfort-zone and put myself in a new environment that would challenge me and for sure, would have helped me grow.
- I failed to have the courage to put myself out there socially.
So being honest with yourself, do you have any regrets that could be tied to a lack of kindness or a lack of courage?? Take a moment to consider that.
I truly believe there is such power in being able to acknowledge and own our regrets. To dwell in them without having a focus on improved behavior is futile (and don’t let yourself do this!) but to evaluate the situation and see it as a lesson is incredibly powerful. If your hope is to grow, learn and be exquisitely human, having no regrets is probably unrealistic. Having a capacity for hindsight and the hope to continue to improve is part of growth. Our lives are filled with lessons, but we need to be willing to acknowledge them in order to learn from them. Experiencing a feeling of regret is nothing more than an indication that there is a lesson to be learned. It is these feelings that can serve as the fuel to push us towards the realm of our greatest potential.
Hi. I’m Kate Snowise and Thrive.How is my business-baby. I’m a Life & Executive Coach who helps people who want the good stuff out of life, get it. I’m passionate about helping people wake-up and start living on purpose. I have an MSc in Psychology (the happy kind of psychology that concentrates on what is right with you). I offer individual coaching that specifically helps people clarify their thinking, reconnect with their spirits, grow into their potential and re-gain balance. Click here to learn more.
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