I opened my Facebook today and saw a Business Coach I follow had posted a personal photograph with a giant Louis Vuitton bag in front of her. I have no problem with expensive handbags. I don’t personally own any, but as far as I’m concerned, each to their own. But seeing the pricey bag for some reason bought to mind the lessons I learned from losing an expensive (as I define it) diamond necklace a couple of years back.
If you’ve ever lost something of great personal or financial worth, I know you will know that feeling. It causes an immediate sick-to-your-stomach emotional response. I was immersed in the guilt, anger, frustration and sadness for a little bit.
But then all of a sudden, something snapped me out of it. This event truly was a turning point in my personal growth. I sat with the situation and truly asked myself, what can I learn from this? What can I really learn from this?
Here were the 2 big lessons I came away with that undoubtedly have changed my life:
Pain comes from attachment
I knew this to be true on some level, but I felt I had never really been tested on it. Once I could think even semi-clearly about this situation, my gut told me the lesson was about my attachment to things. Losing this necklace hurt me as badly as it did because I was very psychologically attached to the item. Part of that was because it was a gift.
The other parts were a little harder to digest and for me to really face head on and own. Was I attached to the status I believed this expensive necklace represented? Did I feel in some way the diamond necklace increased my worth? I asked myself the questions honestly, and had to admit that both were true on some level. There was no denying it, I was absolutely attached to what the necklace represented in my mind. I was attached the worth society associated with such an item and bought into the fact that this somehow increased my worth.
Losing the necklace made me face those beliefs head on. I began to recognize that my worth is not dependent on anything society says, or any false belief I buy into. There is no physical thing that could ever make me more important, respectable, brilliant, beautiful or lovable.
This recognition of my attachment to a physical object helped me recognize that true worthiness can only ever come from within us.
Other people need it more than I do
After recognizing that it was unlikely I was ever going to recover the necklace, my only hope became that it had fallen into the hands of someone who truly needed the monetary value it represented. I hoped and prayed that whoever had stumbled upon the pendant had taken it to a pawn shop and cashed it in, paid their bills, feed their family, and thanked the Universe for the windfall.
I decided to look at the event of me losing my expensive necklace as the universe fairly redistributing resources. Because when I truly evaluated the situation, I didn’t need the necklace around my neck.
In all honesty, I was fairly conservative in my political views growing up. In saying that, I did grow up in New Zealand where conservative is a relative term. This one event did however really force me to question where I stood on my beliefs. It felt like the final piece in me recognizing our connectedness as humans. In my current mind, we are not a bunch of individuals; we are a collective unit called humanity, and it’s our responsibility to look after one another. In all honesty, I think I had been caring too much about myself and my own little world. Losing my necklace gave me the good nudge I needed to wake up to the needs of others.
Don’t misunderstand me here. I do like nice things, and I do believe we live in an abundant Universe. But I now know that if I purchase something that is objectively “expensive” it has nothing to do with the status attached to it. I truly feel confident saying that 2 years on. I didn’t know what brand my last pair of sunglasses were until I bought them home. I bought them because they were the ones I truly liked.
What I have learned is that wearing a diamond necklace doesn’t make me any more (or less) of a person. I know that the size of the engagement ring says nothing about the size of the love, and the number of designer handbags someone has doesn’t represent the light in their soul. And I know that forever more, I will only feel comfortable having if I know in my heart I am also giving.
Hi. I’m Kate Snowise, and Thrive.How is my business-baby. I’m a Executive & Well-Being Coach who helps people who want the good stuff out of life, get it. I have an MSc in Psychology (the happy kind of psychology that concentrates on what is right with you). I offer individual coaching and personality assessment to help people clarify their thinking, grow into their potential, reconnect with themselves and regain balance. Click here to learn more.
To download a copy of my free mini-guide – 8 Tips Towards Creating a Thriving Life – click here.