It’s that most wonderful time of year again … or actually, maybe it’s just not this year.
When the whole world feels happy it can be hard to face the fact that someone is missing from your holiday table this year. That empty seat can feel like a gaping hole, and there is no way around the fact that it hurts.
I lost my Dad in 2011 and I understand the pain of missing a loved one. I’ve always struggled to put it into words that felt adequate, although I read this recently and it touched my heart:
“Someday you will be faced with the reality of loss. And as life goes on, days rolling into nights, it will become clear that you never really stop missing someone special who’s gone, you just learn to live around the gaping hole of their absence. When you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open, and the bad news is you never completely get over the loss. You will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news. They will live on in the warmth of your broken heart that doesn’t fully heal back up, and you will continue to grow and experience life, even with your wound. It’s like badly breaking an ankle that never heals perfectly, and that still hurts when you dance, but you dance anyway with a slight limp, and this limp just adds to the depth of your performance and the authenticity of your character. The people you lose remain a part of you. Remember them and always cherish the Good moments spent with them.” – Unknown
It’s ok to feel sad. It is ok to miss a loved one. It is ok to feel like you’re just a bit broken. None of these things mean that you can’t still enjoy life, or a holiday, or a special occasion.
I encourage you not to push away the pain. Things always persist longer if we resist and fight against them I’ve found. Rather find ways to acknowledge your joint pain with your family.
* Perhaps you could light a candle and keep it lit throughout the day to acknowledge your loved one, who will be there with you in spirit.
* Maybe you could take some time during the day to spend a moment each telling the story of a special memory you have of the person you’ve lost.
* Or maybe you could just take a moment or two to sit quietly with yourself, and acknowledge your love for the person you miss.
Don’t pretend the pain isn’t there … it is; and that is ok.
But I encourage you to also take the time to consciously focus on all the good that is around you. Take the moment to appreciate having a life which was touched by the person you miss. See the joy in the people around you and soak it up. Give yourself permission to be happy alongside the sadness. The two are not mutually exclusive.
For all of you missing a loved one this holiday season, my thoughts are with you. You are in my heart. I feel your pain, and I send you my love. Kate xx
Hi. I’m Kate Snowise and Thrive.How is my business-baby. I’m a Life & Executive Coach who helps people who want the good stuff out of life, get it. I’m passionate about helping people wake-up and start living on purpose. I have an MSc in Psychology (the happy kind of psychology that concentrates on what is right with you). I offer individual coaching that specifically helps people clarify their thinking, reconnect with their spirits, grow into their potential and re-gain balance. Click here to learn more.
To download a copy of my free mini-guide – 8 Tips Towards Creating a Thriving Life – click here.